Wednesday, April 7, 2010

Look me in the eye when you say that.

We are all faced with moments when we coulda, woulda, shoulda.  These are learning moments. The kind that make you hit your forehead and go "doohhhh". Everytime I have one of these moments, I try to take stalk of what I can learn from the situation. It's part of my self-forgiveness process.

When this happens to me, I try to think about how I want to be seen, perceived, and most importantly remembered. Do I want to be remembered as someone who could snap the head off of a person in a moment's notice with a well chosen verbal attack? Or do I want to be remembered as a person who took the time to listen? Do I want to be the kind of person who reacts and lashes out, or do I want to be the kind of person who doesn't.

I choose to be the rational type, even though, I, like most people am capable of losing my temper.  In fact, I work very hard at not being harsh in my language and tone. And when I have something to say to someone that could be uncomfortable, I sit down face to face, and more importantly eye to eye, and we talk.  I listen.  I ask for their perspective.  I try to understand, and I try to help them understand what is happening.

When I say "eye to eye" I mean that.  When you talk to a person's eyes, you can't help but have an honest conversation.  In fact, the old saying, the eyes are the gateway to the soul, rings true.  I have found that even the most confrontational person will calm down if you communciate with your eyes.

There is wisdom in not reacting harshly and letting anger take over.  Many relationships are lost  when a person snaps in a fit of temper. It's hard to heal, and not possible if there is no apology.  The thing is no matter what mistake the person made, the person who loses his or her temper is the one who is wrong.

Finally, forgiveness is essential.  Forgiveness of self and others.  A good friend and mentor once told me that if I couldn't forgive myself, then how could I forgive others?

I know, I sound very enlightened. Kinda makes you want to break out into a yoga chant.  At least I try to be the person that I aspire to be.  I try to remember how I would rather be treated.  And do me a favor, if you have something to say to me, look me in the eye when you say that.


Windnsnow said...

Sometimes watching at where those that talk are looking can be equally instructive. There's more than meets the eye, as that other cliché goes.

Lynear Thinking said...

I am learning this.